Alex
July 4, 2000 - September 9, 2008
It’s the last few hours of my birthday. I have never been one to enjoy birthday, not sure why. Guess I just hate getting another year older. Lots of things are going thru my brain today as they have the last few weeks. I have had a hard time sharing about a recent loss, but today feels like the day. Eight years ago, my Sister wanted to give me a cat that would remind me of her, since I really have not seen her that much in the last few years. This particular birthday, I had just moved back to FL after living in Nashville for a few years. One day, I met my Sister at a local last chance shelter. I didn’t know how to go about choosing the right one, but one particular little guy caught my eye and made me well aware He was choosing me. Slowly the others seemed to fade away and I had decided this little bitty kitty named Alex would become my lifelong friend.
Bringing a new kitten home is a little stressful, but He seemed to adjust just fine to his new life. He was the runt and my brother in law use to kid about his big ears and long neck and that He would never grow into them. I realized soon, how smart he was. He quickly found out all the things He was not suppose to do and what NO meant. The times I would not get out of bed quick enough for him, He would one by one go thru each thing He knew that He wasn’t suppose to do and keep checking back just to see if I was watching. In time He did grow, I always would joke that his father was a panther.
Over the years, we moved a few times and each time Alex would adjust. We had our fair share of good times and went thru some bad times. He hurt his back hips jumping off the couch when he was around 3 years old. So ended up having to have surgery on both hips one right after another. I wont say that was a fun time, but I took care of him. Then we survived 3 hurricanes in the summer of 04. The last 2 years, He kept having this recurring cancer on his toe. And twice we did surgery to remove it. The last time earlier this year, He came home with a splint on his paw after they had to remove the toe. He soon found joy that He could use that paw to bop me on the head every now and that seemed to amuse him. I thought I was going to loose him during this time, but luckily the test results came back saying they were able to get all the cancer. I was given more time with my little buddy. Alex was always there for me giving me someone to talk to, He also enjoyed talking back and sharing his opinions on things.
My Mom use to say, He thinks he is a human, because that is all He has ever known. He made me laugh, snuggled when I cried, would touch my hand with his paw and give me this look of content, give me kisses, took more than his fair share of the bed most of the time and was happy to let me cater to his every need. He gave me unconditional love and mostly He was my best friend. He always knew when I was getting ready for a photo trip, watching me pack my camera He let me know his thoughts and things were ok until He would see me packing my overnight bag. Then He really let me know He wasn’t too happy about that. I finally had to start packing a bag in the other room, just so He wouldn’t get to upset with me. I was never gone that long and If I was not there to feed him, his Grandparents would come feed him. He was a tad bit spoiled, but what cat is not.
Early in September I went out of town for the night and came home to a very happy to see me kitty. Luckily, I never got the snobby silent treatment from him that some cats would give their owners. He was always happy to welcome me back home and tell me all about having to be left alone. This night started out like any other night, but soon Alex woke me up in the middle of the night very sick. I thought He has just eaten something that didn’t agree with his tummy. But He kept getting sicker and I was up all night with him. Rushing him to the vet first thing the next morning. They were very kind to us and took very good care of my little buddy. He had to stay and I knew He wasn’t happy about that, but He was really sick and He needed all their care. Unfortunately I was sick at the same time, so the next 2 days are just a blur. Lots of questions from the vet and lots of decisions I had to make. But sadly Alex just kept getting worse, He wasn’t eating at all and his kidneys and liver started to fail. I made sure they knew I didn’t want my best little friend to suffer at all, He deserved so much better. And sadly I had to allow them to let him be in peace. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. But if Alex could not enjoy being Alex, then I had to let him go and not let him suffer anymore. I can not tell you how quiet my house is or how lonely it is these days. When you are use to having someone around every moment for 8 years and then all the sudden they are gone, its hard to explain. I haven’t talked about it that much, because not everyone understands. You have to be someone who believes our pets are more than just an animal, they are part of your family and when they die, part of you dies. But its so different than with a human. When someone you know or love dies, you have a funeral, everyone gathers around you and then you grieve and then you somehow move on. With a pet, its not like that. Its like you are on your own with your grief, you try to remember the good times. But I know for me, everytime I try to lay my head on my pillow at night, my mind keeps remembering those last few days and asking could I have done more, I should have been there with him even though I was home really sick and did He understand what was going on and why I wasn’t there with him. And it’s just you and your thoughts. I try to remember all the good times, but at times I cant remember anything. I know its because I have had to push all my feelings down so deep as to try to get thru a recent ulcer and being upset all the time was making it worse. Then I felt guilty for holding all my feelings in, thinking somehow Alex would think I don’t miss him. And then others keep saying, Oh go get another cat. Well the truth is, I really don’t like cats, I liked Alex because He was not your typical cat. He had personality and really was the coolest cat on the planet. I loved him because he was Alex!
He was not a normal cat by any means, He grew twice as big as normal cats, twice as long and was 30 pounds. It was not from over eating, I had him on a diet, it was just in his genes. He was special and that was what made him Alex. He had anything a cat would want for and led I think a pretty good life. Never wanted for anything, had plenty of toys, had his own couch, allowed me a little space in my own bed, had my full attention daily and I think was very happy with me and I know He loved me and He knew He was loved. I donated all his toys and things to a local animal shelter hoping other kitties would enjoy these things just as Alex was lucky enough to. And hope they all find a good home and someone to love them. I hope He is now up in Heaven playing with other cats, roaming around without pain from his hips and able to just be a cat. As I told someone the day He died, God just got the best kitty in the whole world! But I was lucky for 8 years to have in my life and will never forget him. Over the next few weeks, I will be going on many trips to enjoy the beautiful colors of fall. I had Alex cremated and plan to take him along with me on these trips, sharing him with the earth at each spot. Every night for 8 years I would tell him goodnight and that I loved him, I still do that today.
Someone sent me this poem, I had never seen it before now, but it means so much to me now.
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet
goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and
play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and
comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those
who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember
them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss
someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and
looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs
carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you
cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses
rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once
more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never
absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
Goodnight little buddy, I love You!
I am off to the Smokies for a few days, then onto the Blue Ridge Parkway to visit a ranger friend of mine for a week or so. I always enjoy getting away to visit my friend, as there are no phones, no tv, no internet, no fast food places around the corner, basically nothing but beautiful mountain vistas and gentle breezes. Its beyond peaceful and renewing for the mind, body and soul.
